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[24 Oct 2004|11:46pm] |
wahhhh i havn`t updated for like 3months, hahah im so shit at this.not really something i care about,
hahhaa fuck i`ve changed from the person i was in highschool. hello world, hello life, hello disaster,hello pain,hello love,anguish,hurt,sorrow,loss,sadness,emptiness,loneliness,intense happiness,euphoria,pleasure,wisdom,jelousy. these are just some of the amazing and painful words that kinda sum up my first year in the ' real world'. and let me just say it`s so good,but so real.
uni has been a great experiance and as much as it fucked me over... it was a great stepping stone ... i have learnt so much. so much. words cannot give credit to the experiances i have gained. i hav`nt rwally learnt anything for the theatre/media industry, (i have)it`s just been way too intense to even fathom the actual acedemic side.
so yeah.
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[20 Jun 2004|10:29pm] |
i have a lap top and it`s mad, i have an exam tommorow.. and i`m going to pass, i think im convincing myself of things.
ah well it`s working.. hoe on thurs or friday... WOO
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[18 Jun 2004|11:44am] |
Well i havn`t written in here for a while, never enough time.
i guess it`s cause everything moves so fast.
i leave bathurst in 6 days and in 4 one of my closest friends leave uni,it`s so intense up here, extemely, it`s werid i have achived everything that wanted to but i`m still so unsatisfyed. Nothing is good enough, i`ll always be wanting more...
it`s so crazy up her, i love and HATE it. its sooo intense, i need to come home and just chilax ( bathurst word). Like all the work i do is cool, like im learning this amazing stuff in class, but at the same time i`m learning about myself and others, the way we interact and why we do things, living with 25 people isn`t easy.. it`s fucking hard.
Dealing with so much change, i don`t know how to handle it! its very hard... the work is hard but i mainly want to concentrate on people social interaction. it`s hard to come 2nd in the year for extention english and get like 92 for your HSC mark in the subject. and then come here and fail a subject.... " professional writing". like its a tough ego blow. it`s hard to adjust to new people who arn`t like you, peoiple who don`t know you and your ideosyncratic differences, i miss the conveniance of school, so comfortable, you have a problem you go straight to the teacher or the prinicpal not like that here.. who do you talk to? who can u.
it`s easy to suppress things here, cause the anger frustuation love passion and heart break is so much more exadurated .. but it`s not to you, it`s real and it hurts deep,deeper than i ever thought, but its all a learning experiance so i guess it`s worth it.
i just want to learn, but i want to leave
craving normality and regularity,
im so confined in my dorm.
so claustrophobic.
i feel like i have nothing, no one
im tanya and im going
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[28 Apr 2004|08:25pm] |
well i`m leavin for bathurst sat morning.. so i leave here phoneless and in more debt than before. weee.
so i have made some stupid decisons.. and i learn from my mistakes.
i think i`ll stay in bathurst for 5 months this time???... but i don`t kno, fuck me im confused
can u please post ur mobile number daniel, or ring my home phone so i can get ur numbers... due to the fact that i don`t have it...
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[14 Apr 2004|11:05pm] |
i just wrote a mother fucker of an entry and it deleted obviously i wasn`t meant to share what i wrote, so i`ll take it as fate and leave you all with this..
life throws many obsicles at you and it is you`re ability to overcome them that makes you stronger and wiser. never loose sight of your passion... because it is what defines you as different in a world of poverty, hate and restriction, and if you think you have it bad, look around you, look deep into the eyes of the needy and diseased. i wish to return to the world of naivety but experiance changes you, it`s amazing but it`s hard.
hopefully it`ll make me a better director.
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[05 Apr 2004|06:39pm] |
Hello diary/journal thing.
i don`t even know why i write in here anymore. clearly there is no purpose.
aww well such is life.
im in mac lab and im so bored were doing some production plannig andhat not, computors are hard. i have a powerpoint presentation thing tommorrow.
weee then im home for 3 weeks on friday
wee everyone whos 18 i`ll be out sat nite hittin the piss hard core.
ashleas 18 weeee went to the party fuckin amazing
love tanya
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3 molesteds| Touch my hot ass
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[19 Mar 2004|06:13pm] |
Hey there.. im on my friends LAP TOP cuz she went home,,, there is soi muvh stuff that happenes up here that i dont write in here, mainly cuz it`s so special to me.... i had the best weekend hiked 30ks and it was so hard but so rewarding ancd s\uch amaziong stuff happend.. im so rejuvenated,
even if mitch gave me shit hehe
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[19 Feb 2004|09:42am] |
HELLO!!! A BIG HELLO TO NEWY FROM BATHURST THE PLACE OF UNIVERSITY AND DRINKING AND HAPPY PPL AND FUN TIMES.
UNI IS AWESOME, MY DORM IS AWESOME AND IM S HAPPY. actully right now im hungover ike a soont but generally happy.
although, in saying that i realy miss all my friends in newwy, i wish they were here. likelast nite at the uni bar- DAG NITE i go so into it... but they played toxic to like 8000 teenagers and ppl new the words and were dancing and stff and i wished like daniel, yo,scott,rachel.jakca and jaz were there to dance like we do at home... but everyone dances differently and i miss surf city mirrors with daniel looking at himslef while dancing... foul man! eheheh
but i actllu have to sign up for .( get this) politics of identity. and i choose that as my minor .. hwat was i thnking. anyways i miss you all so much,,,
and tom, i found hot gays up here and i joined the queer alience and i get rainbow coloured badges and what not, i meet 3 cool gays who are so fun to dane with.. fell like im at g.. and my RA- Residential Adviser is gay to so he wnats to meet all my fags. and it looks like i`ll be doing drama stuffat marti gras! go queer aliegence.
miss you all like crazy. miss maraya.
love you
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2 molesteds| Touch my hot ass
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[13 Feb 2004|04:49am] |
i sayed goodbye to my singing teacher today, 9 years i have known her and learning to sing from her... i love her and had such a big connection to her. we always sung musical theatre stuff ... and i have known her half of my life, since i was 9, she has watched me grow and develop not only as a vocalist but as a person, i wrote her a really heartfelt card and she cried and so did i...
it`s hard to leave, especially... when u know you want and need to...
so many amazing ppl in newwy but i have explored it all now and i`m over it, i need to venture and know and be more, this i can`t do here, i`m ready to leave i want to leave im embrasing this change and i`m exited and feel privledged to be accepted at CSU, not many get into uni, let alone this degree. Im so lukcy, i set out to do this and i acceived it, im lucky to have the resorses to make things happen. i know many people in the world don`t have the luxuries that i do.
but leaving has made me realise how fantastic everyone is, my neighbour rang me and told me how proud she is of me and how much wonderful things i will do with my life... i mean i`m blessed to be surrounded with so many positive people who all belive in me.( if only i belived in myself as much as they do)
sometimes my dreams are to big,and my goals to unrealistic, but i`m never satisfyed so i hope to achive them.
i`m off, tanya
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[03 Feb 2004|09:08am] |
life,although amazing can be difficult.
to allow opportunities i need to move away.. this scares me so much.
i know if i stay here all i will want to do is leave...
it`s just i`m scared of feeling the way i felt the first day of yr 7 i remember that feeling so vividly and i hate that i might experiance it again, i`m so nervous, i never thought i`d be this stressed out, i kno it`ll be okay once i`m up there for a while... it`s just the anticipation and the fact that i leave in 12 days.
i have the best friends in the world here.. and i can`t bear the fact that i wont see them for so long.
and i know wat ppl are gunna say... " you need to go",, i know this it`s just that i need to unleash on here.
SO if i`m friends with you, i`m inviting u to my house on the 14th of feb for a going away party.
i want you all to come. if i like and know you.
Love and kisses and sadness to leave you.
tanya
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[31 Jan 2004|03:36am] |
to mitch and ella.
please please enjoy and love every minute of year 12. i miss it so much and even though it was the hardest yr of my life it was also the most rewarding, no matter how hard it seems always remember it`s not life or death.( even if it seems that way)
Have fun and enjoy the people who surround you and live it up... study and socialize, remeber work as hard as you need to but this is your last yr of school.
i wish u guys all the luck in the world and if u guys need to ring me for advice i will help you... no matter what!!
i love you both.
Ella i know you`ll kick the arse out of hsc drama.
Love Tanya xoxo
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[27 Jan 2004|10:40am] |
as i sit here listening to *Nsync i feel so happy,i now have new found respect for Nsync.. and paulini for aust idol,which i have always had.. fun times
i just had tea at SSS with yo,lisa and rach and it was so fun, i love the food at my work.
and i`m sad cuz i`m leavin and my work are having a going awya party for me, and this makes me feel so amazingly happy that i have only been there just on 3 months and i love it and they are doing such a lovley thing for me.
anyways.. i feel tre odd at the moment, due to the fact that i am feeling this odd emotion of lust.JACK. don`t even go there, he is perfect and i`m moving, and i hate my timing with things like this,he`s amazing and i really like him. Heaps.... heaps. He`s a good kisser and that`s rare in hetros.hehe
i need to strop going clubbing and doing things to spend my mula.
maraya came over today and tells me i better get packing if i wanna get down there on time and this scares me.... i need to have a going away party.. i`m crying now, this is the first time i have fo so long... i don`t want to get deep on this journal. i feel i hate things about myself that i can`t change.,.. but want too...
i dont know whats wrong with me!!!
fuck me.
i`m going, this is an odd update, but fuck i don`t care.
xoxoxo
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[18 Jan 2004|02:07am] |
Im so busy, i never write in here.
yet i can never remember what i do.
but i am leaving in just under 4 weeks.
so... yeah bathurst here i come,
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[06 Jan 2004|06:49pm] |
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i love micheal without his attachment, i never post because i love him and not his... accessory.
ELLA!!!!.... my god ur fickle arn`t ya.. ruined ur big "rebelion" by coming back onto live journal. leave or stay....ya bitch. nah i respect that...
i meet properly mitch`s mum and i love her... i asked if she would addopt me... declinded.
foul kim.
mitch and dan and i have been playing sleepovers for the last... ummm. week i guess.
and i have been with them every night for so long, good gay times.
i never write in here.
to much party to much booze. to much love, aww wait no i am a loser and no one loves me... i need a man in my life peace out
tanya
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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| UAI |
[23 Dec 2003|03:32am] |
87.55
this is my uai.
i thought i should put it in here.
my heart is ripping and it hurts.
my mind is aching.
i have to stop drinking it`s playing games with my eyes.
i can`t see clear my eyes are bleeding with tears
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2 molesteds| Touch my hot ass
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[21 Dec 2003|10:11am] |
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well i`m in an odd mood,
im` really happy with my uai.... i was in the honor roll in the paper for 2 subjects, was mad i felt smart
i was talking to maddy the other nite at mitchells, she is really intriging, i really like her, and her idea for art was amazing, she is so fantstic, i wish there were more ppl like her in the world.
viv was driving me insane...
and micheal is very mad,i love gay guys.. fun in the sun.
well i`m oddly in a happy mood for no real reason, wests night tommmorrow nite, weee
fuckin sex/
tanya
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[19 Dec 2003|04:23am] |
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Can`t fight the moonlight |
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" can`t keep doing this..."
the way britneys song early mornin` sums up my feelings at the moment.
got my hsc results and uai.. couldn`t sleep both nights.
i have this thing of late where when i drive i feel absolutley tired i don`t kno wat it is.
i guess i went pretty good in the hsc. i won`t say exactly wat i got. but i got 2 in the mid 90`s( drama and ext2)... 3 in the high 80`s and 1 in the high 70`s.
i`m annoyed the the mark i got for ====== insert subject here. namly cuz i studied so hard for it.
and my UAI was cool... ask me if u wanna kno, i don`t feel comfortable writing it in here. but i got into csu.
tanya. can`t hack 7 nights a week at sss bbq barns. it hurts my mind.
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1 molested| Touch my hot ass
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[17 Dec 2003|04:33pm] |
i`m at mitchells looking up porn... how i enjoy it,
happy 18th dan.. i know ur havin a great day. cuz ur miming to every song where putting on.. even though " only hope' is making me upset.
i offically signed out of school i almost cryed. so sad. i didn`t think it would make me so sad, i`ll miss the teachers so much, and all my yr and other years aswell.
it`s so odd, cuz i got into bathurst. depending on my uai, so i don`t know weather to be happy or sad,cuz i don`t know what to think. should i be sad to leave or happy cuz i leave, but if i don`t get in i`ll be so upset.
i dunno the exact uai either. so i dunno. fuck me.
i need to leave.
but i`m so sad about it too.
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3 molesteds| Touch my hot ass
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shtanya's journal